A perspective on everything

The following text was provided in response to a friend who engaged our research department in a query – are all guys messed up? This document is being provided to you as an educational document should you or anyone you know ever have the need to reference it. All names and specific references have been omitted for privacy purposes.
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To: Client
From: Consulting Division
Date: XX/XX/XX

Generic stereotyping of all males is not allowed and won't be condoned, but comparison/statistical analyses are okay. I never met XXXX and therefore won't presume to know him, his behavior, or why he is like he is. However, using the generic case model, we'll attempt to learn some things about guy behavior. The good news is that things are slow here, so you're getting a comprehensive write-up.

So, here's my report:(1)

A great number of guys have issues with commitment (I honestly have no clue why, and guys who don't have an issue with commitment don't understand why some people have this issue), HOWEVER, in almost all cases this fear passes with age (esp. after 30, when the number of single women seems to rapidly decrease towards 0). In cases where the symptoms (i.e. girlfriend leaving because subject wasn't head-over-heals in love) are repeated (as is the case described for this subject), researchers are left with little to no insight into the subject's behavior. Presumably the rational male, after losing one or more serious girlfriends would realize the issue and take steps to proactively address the issue. This, however, assumes that the subject is indeed looking to move down a path towards a long-term relationship (read {"marriage," whether this word was specifically communicated or not). We may therefore infer in some cases it is extremely likely that the subject is not interested in any long term relationship at this time. This final point is critical, because while most male subjects(2) do generally seek to initiate a long term relationship (marriage) between the ages of 22 and 30, there are cases where subjects do not seek to enter long-term relationships until later, even as they approach 40. The often-heard case of "well, maybe he's gay," does not hold merit as to why some subjects do not seek relationships, as even gay males seek long-term relationships within the same general age range. So, to what then do we attribute this behavior?

A favorite theorem, termed the "Theory of Infinite Choice," or "Theory of Infinite Availability," developed in 2000 by one of the author's colleagues holds that some males believe that there may be someone better out there, and the notion of keeping the current selection (in this case, woman) is risky against potential future opportunities. Again, recognizing and understanding this concept is critical for men because without recognition, the male will always be reluctant to keep his current selection (girlfriend).

Another idea is that some males actually like their "independence" and all that entails. It is not clear however, generally past the age of 30, what particular benefits this "independence" actually has for any male, especially when factoring for the data which shows there are fewer available single woman each year, therefore this idea has been widely discounted by researchers.

Conclusions:
The words "commitment" and "head-over-heals" are "flash" words, which actually have no single universally accepted meaning. These flash words are used as a "flash" to distract the audience (woman) from what the speaker (male) is saying, since he (in this case, the speaker is always male) has no real rational explanation for why he doesn't want to move the relationship to the next level, or even consider where the relationship might go. In this traumatic, but all too frequent scenario(3), the primary option for the woman is to be thankful that a contained amount of time was spent in the relationship, and to seek out other males. This research concludes that there are few, if any indications for the male relationship state, and that only inquiry into the subject's previous relationship history will provide any guidance into whether these symptoms are likely to be exhibited.

Notes:
(1) References and sources omitted for brevity. Research, data, and any conclusions should be presumed to be from the author and no more reliable source. Author makes no claims as to his expertise in this or any other subject matter. Actions undertaken as the result of reading this report are the sole responsibility of the reader and the author assumes no liability for these actions or lack of actions.
(2) Subjects are considered only from the author's known universe: college educated males, living in the United States in either the Northeast or West Coast.
(3) The author has heard this episode repeated a large number of times with numerous subjects on both coasts.

Sincerely,

XXXX

Director, Relationship Research